Sunday, September 2, 2012

Parenting Backward! No wonder it isn't working. Another AH HA moment!

Today in Sunday School we started a new Study and we were talking about how first God establishes His Authority, then He blesses, then he gives directions or commands.  I see Gods relationship with us and Our relationship with our Children as a mirror effect.  Meaning, the way God "parents" us  or guides us is how we should parent and guide our children.

Our teacher used the example of the children of Israel to go along with the establish authority, bless, direct.  God did not tell them, "here are the 10 commandments.  Prove to me that you can follow them first and THEN I will lead you out of slavery."  He established His authority to Pharaoh, the Egyptians, and the Israelites by showing He IS God.  He then led the children of Israel out of bondage and THEN gave them the law.

Too often, we don't "establish" our authority as parents.  We COMMAND that we are the authority instead of leading by example.  Then we ORDER our kids to do this or do that and then IF you do this or do that THEN I will bless you with this or that.

A light bulb went on in my head.  If we were to establish our authority by leading by example and explaining our actions to our kids and then blessed our kids they would in turn be inclined to follow direction.  Naturally they are kids and will buck the system at times.  Just like the children of Israel complained even though they had just been delivered from the hand Pharaoh and the Egyptians.  They lost focus of God.  Our children are children and will lose focus.  However, instead of saying if you don't do this or don't do that, you don't get this or that.  How about do something nice for your kids or give them words of affirmation before giving them a command.  I think we'll find more times than not, things will go much more smoothly.  It's harder as parents to change that cycle because as humans we are programmed to find out whats in it for me before completing a task and in turn, we use that in our parenting skills as well and "bribe" our kids to do what they should be doing in the first place.  Clean your room and then you can go out and play.  How about instead we start approaching it like, "You may go out and play for 30 minutes."  30 minutes later call them and thank them for playing so nicely together and tell them it is now time to go clean there room.  I'm sure until everyone gets used to it there will still be some fighting among the troops but I can see now, by seeing Gods example, how changing the way we parent can completely change the dynamic of a home.  I'm anxious to put this to test.  I'm just trying to come up with examples of "blessing" our children. I have some ideas in mind.  I'm just working out the details in my mind and coming up with a game plan.  If we wait to give direction until direction is needed, more often than not, we are doing more harm than good.  Lead by example and then our children know why we do this and why we do that.  They learn their boundaries and learn to live together peaceably as opposed to living in strife and anger.

We (Jeremy and I) are too quick to lose our cool with our children.  I don't like to yell but when you have 3 kids all yelling at each other, you tell yourself the only way you are going to be heard is to yell above them.  That does nothing but make them shut you out, raise your blood pressure and everyone walks away in an ill mood.  SO, we are working on Establishing our authority, blessing, and then giving direction.  :)

Just something God laid on my heart today and hopefully it speaks to someone else too!
God bless,~Mary

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