I was going through some stuff today and came across a poem I wrote a little less than a month and a half after losing my father. I was 21 at the time and I think this pretty well describes what it is like to feel and go through grief.
I wake up in the morning hoping to hear you
snoring in your bed.
I peak into your room and I find
I go about my day dreaming of returning
to your smiling face
I hurry through the door but now
emptiness fills your space.
I wander to the yard thinking you'll be there
working with your wood.
But as I approach your table saw, emptiness
is there where you once stood.
I try to run him off. I try to
make him go.
But emptiness is everywhere. Oh how
he hurts me so.
Right before I go to bed, I go to tell
you I love you.
But emptiness is there. It seems
there's nothing I can do.
Dad, I miss you SO much! I wish
you could come home.
But I know you are in no more pain
and on streets of gold you roam.
But dad, I ask one favor. I plead to you
with all my heart.
Could you ask Jesus to get rid of emptiness?
He's tearing me apart.
I go through ever day. The pain and hurt
But there is something people can't see.
Emptiness is by my side.
He brings back all the memories. The good
ones and the bad.
All the fun times that we shared. And all
the times that I was sad.
All the fun camping trips, and all the
wonderful things you said.
But then he reminds me of all the months
you lay suffering in the bed.
Of all the terrible pain you went through
each and every day
And no matter what we did, nothing could
take it away.
Dad, I wanted you here for all the
the things that I went through.
To walk me down the isle. And to see the
grand kids I'll give to you.
Dad, you were the greatest man that I've
And I pray the example you set for me, for
my kids I too can set.
So as you're looking down upon me from
heaven up above,
Send a few angels to walk beside me and
help me feel your love.
I say goodbye for now, but not forever
we shall see each other again.
Then emptiness will be gone for good.
I'll never be tormented again!
~Mary Thompson 12/01/1998
I still miss him more every day!! Most days now, I've learned to tune emptiness out. That part DOES get better but the missing him never does. I miss him more with every passing day.