Thursday, January 19, 2012

Insomnia-what it's like and why YOUR solution does not work!

So, I saw a facebook book post that made me decide to write about this topic.  I am one of the unfortunate many that suffers with insomnia.  Yes I said suffer.  My husband and many others think the solution is as simple as shutting everything down and climbing into bed.....IF ONLY it were that easy.

There are medical conditions to which insomnia is a side effect.  2 of these conditions I just happened to have been diagnosed with.  I don't know if that gives me a double whammy of insomnia or what's going on but it seems to get worse as the months go by.  There are a few days in which sleep comes easily...a few days a year!  I LOVE those days. 

"The Simple Solution".....or IS it??
My husband, a long with many other annoyed, or non sympathetic, or unable to understand or (insert whatever feeling someones spouse may have about their other half not sleeping) seem to think it's as simple as turning off the TV or the computer or putting down the book and climbing into bed and closing your eyes....IF ONLY!!!!!

Here is what happens when we do that.
<dialogue in our mind>  "Hmmm, that place in my back really hurts tonight.  I should probably call the Dr. and let them know the pain I've been having and not getting answers regarding for the past 3 years didn't magically's still very much there.  When was it this pain started?  Oh yeah, nearly 3 years ago now.  Along with so many other symptoms that have no answers.  When did all these symptoms start?  Seems to me it was after I had our first kid.  That first kid we weren't supposed to be able to have.  We tried for nearly 2 years before getting blessed with her....Well, some days feel more like a blessing than others.  I'll sure be glad when she gets over this not paying attention phase.  I'm not sure where she get's her OCD from.  It seems to be a recessive gene.  It hit my sister as well but Olivia is MY daughter, not my sisters so how did it jump from her to my daughter?  I wonder what my sister is doing.  I sure wish she would call more often.  It's almost like I've fallen off the face of the Earth and she's forgotten about me.  Oh yeah, that reminds me of what I forgot.  I need to add milk to the grocery list.  Speaking of groceries, I wonder what I should make for dinner tomorrow.  We are out of ground beef but there is some shrimp, some chicken breast, and some Talapia in the freezer.  Speaking of breasts, mine sure do hurt right now.  But that all goes back to my medical issues.  My body makes cysts for the fun of it and they are so painful.  Speaking of fun, I need to think of something fun  to do this weekend as a family.  Speaking of family and weekend, I can't forget I have a photo shoot this Saturday at 3:30.  Hmmm....I wonder who else I can hit up to buy some girl scout cookies.  I sure do miss being back home with family.  God, it sure would be nice if you would drop a house, and a job out of the sky for my husband so we can move back home.  Speaking of back home. I sure do miss my grandparents.  I wonder how they are doing.  I'm afraid they won't be around to much longer.  They sure are getting tired and slowing way down.  I just pray I get to see them a couple more times before something happens to them.  I sure do miss my daddy.  I wonder if he is Heaven's chef.  That man sure loved some food!  He loved to make it too!  Sometimes I feel like he's standing over my shoulder telling me what to put in my dishes and they almost always come out perfect!  I wish my kids would have had a chance to meet him.  Speaking of kids, I have GOT to make them clean their rooms tomorrow and if they don't, ALL their toy's are going to Goodwill.  But, we know that will never happen.  Too much money has been spent on those toys and we can't afford to replace them.  Man!  Is it hot in here or is it just me?  I don't mean that in a haha way, I'm REALLY sweating bullets here.  I sure hope I'm not going through the change!....Oh, look at the time.  I've been laying here with my mind wandering for an hour now.  I sure wish it had an off button.  Dangit!  I need to go to the it just me or is it cold in here?  How can it feel  like it dropped 20 degrees in the past 5 minutes.  I wonder if he messed with the thermostat.  I sure hope our heating and cooling unit isn't messed up.  OH!  I need to get dog food and pullups tomorrow.  What else was it I said I need to get tomorrow?  I knew I should have written it down when I thought about it but then I'd have to get out of bed and then I would have been wide awake again.  Who am I kidding, I'm STILL wide awake.  I wonder if anything good is on TV.  Man, I hate being awake this late.  My stomach is growling but I can't eat's not good to eat this late......."
and On and ON and ON it goes.  If it will stop, no one knows.

So you see, it's better for us to be watching something or doing something or typing something or reading something.  ANYTHING to get our minds to SHUT UP!!!!  lol  I've literally laid in bed and gone through my entire medical history in my head trying to figure out when my body started failing me.  I've rehearsed speeches in my head and I may or may not ever be asked to give ( like the miracle behind all my kids being here but more specifically that Olivia and I are still alive after a traumatic birth and that we even have Caleb at all....he was supposed to have been a miscarriage)  Or the fact that we even have kids when Jeremy was told he wouldn't have kids and I had been diagnosed with PCOS and many PCOS patients never have children of their own.  So we can either lay their in bed for hours and try and solve the worlds problems and plan our future for hours or we can give our mind a rest and let something else do the thinking for us.  At least the TV or facebook, or a book is letting something or someone else do most of the thinking or gears our thinking in 1 direction instead of all over the place. 

You know how when the heater kicks off in the winter or the AC kicks off in the summer and the fan is still running?  That is kind of what insomnia is like only it lasts MUCH longer.  Our bodies may be laying in bed all comfy and relaxed but truly, we are not relaxed because our brain won't shut down long enough to relax.

Now you've read OUR side of the story.  I still don't expect everyone to "understand" it but maybe this will shed a little more light on the subject.  haha!  and I'm sorry you had to hear all the pointless ramblings that may or may not run through my brain on any given evening.  That was just an example.  There are MANY MANY more things our brains try and solve or plan or understand while we are laying in bed, staring at the ceiling, and praying for just 1 night of relief.....of rest!

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